It all starts..

I managed to get my mind around the thought of getting married and settling down here, in Imphal. And I owe it to my love, my fiancé. He made me believe in love again and looking at him I feel secure, assured and at peace. Ahem, I’ll save the mush for some other day, right now, down to business because I have started this blog after a lot of things have already happened and I  need to catch up writing about so many things!

Anyway, this post is about the beginning of it all. The formalization of the bond that we created. What happens and my journey through those few days. It is a little difficult now that I have to write about them retrospectively but I’ll try my best.

So, once the boy (let’s call him V) and I made up our minds, I told my parents. My mother was over the moon, she was more excited than me I think. My aunts and sister too were elated, because it was finally happening for this 32 year old girl :P

V’s mother called up my Indomcha (aunt), to fix a date to come and ‘start the talks’ (Wa Houdokpa). In our tradition the 'to be' grooms mother is not supposed to call the girls’ mother!)Wa Houdokpa  is a formal way to approach the girls side to start the talks/ask for the girls hand (except that there is no 'asking' as such). So a day was fixed, when 5 ladies from the boy’s family would come and meet 5 ladies of my family (guess this is the women’s job, to break the ice..?) I overheard my Indomcha asking if I should also be present on the decided day, I frantically went to her and gestured (rather vigorously) against such an idea. It was of no use in the end, I was told to be there…and do what? I said, 'they will want to meet you (a situation I am extremely uncomfortable with)'; they said, I groaned and sighed, anxiety building up, imagining me taking out the dreaded ‘chai tray’ with head covered. But before, my imagination could spill the tea or trip me with the tray, mama started asking what I was supposed to wear. Panic struck. Because things were getting real..And that realization is kind of unnerving and exciting at the same time! Was it happening too soon? How in the world did I reach this point?? Questions in my head the never ceased for the rest of the day.

By evening, we were debating what to serve them as they were coming in the morning around 9. We could have ordered from outside which would be the easy thing to do, but mama was against it (thank God!) and said that she would prepare bread rolls, chole bhature (advantage of having a non Meitei mom and with the ‘army party’ experience;), nuts, and gulab jamun. It turned out to be a good choice, because it was the first time they were visiting us and hence we made sure we knew what we were serving and it was fresh,  which wouldn't be the case with readymade ordered eats.

What I wore: I have no pictures unfortunately, but I wore a peach muga phanek (Silk Wrap) with a maroon border. As I mentioned earlier, I'm just beginning to buy pieces of our traditional attire for myself, so this phanek,fortunately I had bought from one of the ‘iches’ (elder sister-a term I usually use for senior ladies who are not really colleagues) in the workplace. I wore it with an off white satin blouse from 5 years back( not kidding), took a stole/dupatta around me, on the side, wore delicate sterling silver earrings and just a small chandon (chandan) on the nose to complete the traditional look J. So, there are phanek colours you cannot wear on occasions like these. So no greens, blues, blacks, that’s all I remember.

After getting dressed I was helping out mom in the kitchen, which was a bad idea because I was sweating all over, I sweat easily and a lot and to top it up I have oily facial skin! When they arrived, I started to deep breathe, to release the nervousness, my little cousins were a boon as they made me laugh and ease the stress. It’s always a good idea to have friends or cousins or kids around on such days! Anyway as I was happily chatting with the kids, when mama asked me to 'come in with the tea'! Seriously? I stood agape, protesting. Well, I needn’t have taken it, it wasn’t a rule or anything, but I ended up doing it, because taking something out/ being useful is actually better than just walking into a room full of eyes and greeting each one separately! With the tray, you can just walk in with a smile, and serve each one and greet them in doing so, and it also acts as a conversation starter. Feeling all those 5 pairs of eyes assessing me, my attire, my hair, everything was a little unnerving in the beginning. But I believe the brief interaction went well because I felt at ease in the end (Deep breathing indeed is a savior). 

That was how the first step/ wedding ritual went for me. I was surprisingly composed and thank god for that! Oh did I mention, a brief call of assurance from V just before they arrived, made things a whole lot better..:)

Following the wa-houdokpa, there was another ritual called mangon-Kaba ( literally it means climbing the porch of the girls house!) where the elder men of the our families meet and discuss a few things regarding the future events. 

There was a point where the our mother's were talking just before they left, Aunty said something very touching which made my mother a little emotional (which she hid well, but I perceived...), and it hit me then, with full force, that, this is it, it all starts....

Thank you for reading! Happiness to you!